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The first thing to note is that even though I had a bad experience and it was not a pleasant one, Ive never once felt that anyone in my life was a bad person, or at least I dont associate them with that. If I ever had a bad experience with anyone, it was probably because they made a bad assumption on how I was. People Ive had negative experiences with in the past have been people Ive dated or had romantic feelings for or had something Ive done that is unforgivable. Ive had horrible experiences with people and it doesnt matter if it was a single negative experience or several. If Im in contact with them, its usually only because Ive learned something about them through my experiences. The second thing to note is what Im going to say is highly controversial, but I believe the reason I can relate to many of the things you said is because despite the bad experience I had with my ex, the part that was different was that I had a strong relationship with the one person in my life that I thought loved me unconditionally, and maybe that was just because I was young and naive, but I still believe that if it wasnt for that person in my life, I would have had an extremely difficult time growing up. The reason this was the case is because without the person that I had a strong relationship with in my life, I had little confidence in my personal growth, and therefore had to rely on other things to make up for my shortcomings in that area instead, like the grief porn of the Internet. Now when I say grief porn Im not just talking about the Internet; Im specifically referring to the things that go to your heart, where it doesnt matter if youre breaking the laws of physics or not. I used to browse the Grief Porn of the Internet in the early stages of your relationship, I used to post pictures of dead animals and gore and tell people to kill themselves, I would even engage in suicide talk by telling people to kill themselves for me, I was really bad at hiding my actions. I was so bad that even before the Internet era I was using a lot of fake and malicious accounts and posting pictures of myself in various states of disfigurement in an effort to make things more embarrassing for you. I never did this for you, I was just trying to make things harder for you, but somehow it worked because you still did end up liking me for who I was. And somehow your parents never let you know I was using these accounts. You thought they were my friends and friends only, but that wasnt true, they were just using me. And you know how the Internet can be a wonderful thing. Well thats one of the reasons why I couldnt leave you. Because even though I used the Internet to make myself interesting to people.
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