While Bill and Melinda Gates’ divorce may not have come as too much of a shock considering the average celebrity marriage seems to last about a week and a half, still, if any couple of crazy kids who just happened to be mega-billionaires could go the distance, we’d have bet on Bill and Melinda.
Unless, of course, you’re a relationship expert like Makhosi Nejeser, a life coach who helps people find their life’s path via her website The Royal Shaman. Nejeser spoke with The List about why she feels the Gates couple were never really suited for the long haul. No, she doesn’t see them breaking up due to the typical celebrity “grass is greener” syndrome, and the divorce certainly wasn’t prompted by financial matters since there’s plenty of billions to go around. Instead, she thinks the split was the result of something you wouldn’t necessarily expect would lead to divorce, although it also had elements that are common to any other couple who just grows apart.
Bill and Melinda Gates have too much in common
It seems there is such a thing as being too compatible, and believe it or not, being too perfect a pair can lead to breaking up. As Nejeser points out, while “Bill and Melinda first connected romantically based on similar values and vision for life,” this was evidently not the best basis on which to start a relationship. Instead, she feels the fact that they tend to approach life from a similar angle caused many of the problems they faced, since in her opinion, “They needed to be more energetically complementary to each other, with more flexing and flowing.”
Nejeser sees both Bill and Melinda as being “very logical and tend[ing] to see only their own point of view.” This is something she says, “can cause lots of friction and arguments.” When it comes to the philanthropic couple, she thinks, “both feel a need to fix the world, trying to make things happen.” When both halves of a couple share the same outlook, it can “cause resistance leading to drama and conflict.”
In order for the Gates’ relationship to have lasted even longer than it did (though 28 years is nothing to sneeze at), Nejerer says there would have had to be “more give-and-take between them, and in the vision, they held together for how they could serve the world.”
Bill and Melinda Gates likely had communication problems
According to a 2016 study published in the “Journal of Marriage and Family,” good communication is critical to a successful marriage, but developing those crucial communication skills can be a real struggle for many couples. Bill Gates, it seems, could be categorized as having a workaholic personality, but this “constant pressure [he feels] to be DOING something,” as Nejeser puts it, “can sometimes keep others from feeling like they are truly present with him.”
Melinda, on the other hand, “is someone who experiences emotions deeply,” Nejeser tells us, adding, “but [she] likely struggles to communicate what she is feeling to her partner.” Bill, she speculates, may possibly feel that what Melinda thinks is a problem is really “just part of her inner emotional experience” – or, in layman’s terms, he thinks any issues she’s having are all in her head. No wonder that, as Nejeser speculates, “this marriage has likely left Melinda feeling very unrecognized and bitter, as well as Bill feeling frustrated.”
Melinda Gates should be standing on her own
If there’s one very positive thing that could come out of this divorce, it could be Melinda coming into her own power and taking her place as the commanding figure she was obviously born to be. As Nejeser characterizes her, “Melinda is actually here to be a very powerful leader in her own right, guiding others with clear direction,” but she also feels that her role as a big man’s wife makes her “subject to public misunderstandings [since] she simply isn’t here to be what society would label as the ‘ideal trophy wife.'”
When it comes down to it, perhaps they were both just too driven to make their relationship work. Melinda Gates, however, is someone Nejeser says should be “stepping into her leadership.” Adding, “Be prepared for her to do some really incredible things as she evolves into someone who brings forth practical change in the world.”
We will certainly be cheering her on as Melinda furthers the good work she has already done and champions new causes in the future.
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